Gonkulator is this band. They play the BLACK NOISE and in 2013 I sat down on my fat ass behind my shitty computer and typed up some stupid ass questions for him regarding the Mighty Gonkulator. I should have included some questions for The Baron Von Gonkulator, but at the time I was on a heavy dose of Generic Brand Metamucil and exploding the terlet. The chaos and GoatSodomy is as follows….
Excuse me, Sir Infection. Do you have time to hear the word of Black Noise? Oh wait, you're a Black Noise God and I'm just a piece of shit wannabe Gonkulator fan. So maybe you can do this interview for the Peons at Dipsomaniac Records while you sit on your throne of Black Shit and masturbate to the dead static on channel 59. So, this is my uno questiono.
Hails from schlagen.I am honored to be asked to participate in your magazine.
For my numero secondo question, I would like you to tell us all what year Gonkulator was shat onto the world in a sea of black terlets. Have you always been in the band since the start? And also, what kind of events inspired you legends to start the band of all bands? And I know the answer to all these questions since I am a fucking derp, but don't get me wrong. Thereare still a handful of people in the world that don't know the legacy of the mighty GONKULATOR.
GONKULATOR formed in august 1994 and planned to be the most noisy black metal band that ever existed !!! I had just left PSYCHO and wanted to do a black metal band....but something a bit different. Main influences are BEHERIT and BLASPHEMY. Original members are: The Baron Von Gonkulator, Morbidia Kruel, Pope John Paul the 13th and Charlie Infection......when the Pope left Thyroid Von Schnivel joined us.
Now I got this fucking question about some shit when Gonkulator started and what bands helped to make it start. You know, what bands made Gonkulator be like, "We want to start something fucking different". If there were any bands, if not you can tell me to fuck off and I'll do it, Sir Infection.
I will tell you to fuck off anyways!!! Heh heh!! We love the old shit! Messy, raw and noisy! Chaotic and crazy!
Okay, these questions are very generic and fucking cliche. But I don't know what I'm doing. Please tell us a little or a lot about Morbidia Kruel, Thyroid Von Schnivel, Baron Von Gonkulator (GOATTHROWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and yes, even Pope John Paul the 13th. Did any other members slither their way into the Gonkulator vagine?
Morbidia Kruel is a hot one! She is very dominant and has many worshipers and slaves. She has brutalized her bass guitar for many years. Tyroid Von Schnivel is an extreme guitarist! He plans to saw off his own hands at the next (and last) live show! He also delves in the extreme black arts and is a true Satanist! Baron Von Gonkulator was born on the hillsides of Schlagen, a mystical place near Transylvania. He surrounds himself with extreme musick and all things dark and hideous! He is our exalted ruler and leader of GONKULATOR!! Hail the Baron !!!! Pope John Paul the 13th was our first guitarist and was a life long comrade until he was torn to pieces by a huge log shredding machine in the Black Forests of Schlagen where he was a local underground dark arts minister and logging foreman. These have been all the members of GONKULATOR and also me. A crazed maniac drummer and record label executive and a dedicated family dad!
Here's another one... What are some or one of your best memories working with this Beast of a Band? Do you have any fucked up stories of GoatSodomy and Rotting Virgins on a slab of prime beef? If so, please list them here and enlighten the readers with the facts.
Yes, there is always tales of mayhem with us. We played in North Carolina one time and half way through our set we got shut off and chased out of town by locals with pitchforks and burning torches! Most of our shows are well received and some people may actually "get it"... but most are shocked and repulsed! We will probably have some goat sodomy and virgin on virgin action in our soon to be done video. It will be released with the release of our new 10 inch 10 song album.
You pretty much released every Gonkulator release minus a couple on your own label, Fudgeworthy Records. Tell us a little about Fudgeworthy... Anything you want, don't hold the fuck back. Make this the longest answer if it doesn't shit on your parade. Also, how can a Douche like me get ahold on the 7"s?
Fudgeworthy Records has been around since 1990 and I will celebrate my 43rd release very soon. Next releases are:
CARNIVORE MIND / ISHITONYOURFACE-split 7"
GONKULATOR "Three" 10 inch album
MOLOCH - 7"
GOAT FELCH demo cassette
I have had releases like: IMPIETY 7", ANAL CUNT EPS, G.G. ALLIN AND BULGE EP, JESUS CHRUST- 2 EPS, MIXOMATOSIS EP, BLACK MASS OF ABSU EP,BLOOD PICTURE LP,KRATORNAS PICTURE EP....etc . I run Fudgeworthy Records alone with no help from no one!! And I am finally getting a website together... look for INFECTIONDISTRO.COM very soon! [now up]
Has Gonkulator played many shows for unsuspecting morons that feasted on the views of the true elite Black Noise phenomenon known as Gonkulator? If so, please describe these shows and if not, please describe something completely unrelated. Or both.
See answer number 5. Also played some great live shows in New York and Montreal and Boston Bad show = North Carolina.....there is probably less that 10 live shows ever done.
Okay, I'm almost done torturing you with this shit. Are there any plans for future Gonkulator atrocities? Tapes? Vinyl's? CDs? Fuckin, I don't know, VHS Tapes. Merch? Anyfuckinthing at all? Reissues? Trucker hats? Splits? Granny Panties?
I mentioned before the new 10 inch album but also will be a split 10 inch with OLD PAGAN from Germany that will be released by BESTIAL BURST Records from Finland soon. We still have to shoot the footage for the video for "Corpse Paint"....We still have the "Second war in Heaven" CD available and a few left of our first CD "Satans Burial Ground" but it’s on cassette tape.
This is where you go apeshit and give all your information people might want. Any contact info, anything. I wish to thank you for this ABSOLUTELY FUCKIN INCREDIBLE interview and for supporting the little assholes like ourselves. Sir Infection, WE HAIL YOU!!!!
8 Stevin Drive
Woburn, Mass. 01801 USA
HAIL THE BARON!!!!!
HAIL THE BLACK NOISE!!!