If I didn’t despise the taste of alcohol so much, I would be addicted to AA meetings at this point. Instead, I have decided to drown my worries and concerns in music. I have listened to “Funeral” by Arcade Fire four times, “Modern Sounds in Country and Western Music” by Ray Charles two times, “Pet Sounds” by the Beach Boys once, “July Flame” by Laura Viers twice… and I think that’s it… all since yesterday afternoon. I am afraid to remove my headphones. I even tried to wash my face with them on, but then I realized that it would be impossible to not potentially ruin a very nice pair of Marshalls, so I took a 2 minute break in the name of personal hygiene.
There are moments when I just want to scream. There are moments when I feel alone and sad. Most days, my go to fix is an old Sarah Silverman episode on Hulu, but I was really beginning to think the TV watching was becoming problematic. I remembered my high school days when life seemed to permanently suck, and I remembered the many, many hours I spent in my room absorbing music. I thought it was time to revisit that era. Wow. Big difference. Reality seems to change once the headphones are on. Like really change. Normally I listen to music through regular speakers and the only time I use my headphones is when I am running. To sit down and really listen to music with headphones is a completely different experience. There is no division between you and the sounds. They are literally going into your body and vibrating with you. Why don’t I do this all the time???
Once again, music is saving my life. No matter what is going on, I always have music. If my ipod is dead, I have my piano. If my piano is far away, I have my voice. No matter what happens, there is always, always, always music.