As terrifying as this world can be, only a few things really scare the living shit out of me and make me poop my pants. For one, I have arachnophobia horribly bad. The second I see any form of a spider, I either piss my pants or scream like a five year old girl while running for my life. The second thing is actually quite simple and needs no explanation at all, just watch this. Yeah, no flesh shall be ripped my from body, ever. The third? Well, the third thing that scares the shit out of me is rather nice, if you sit and think about it from different perspectives. One word: Estonia. It’s not that Estonia as a country scares me, it’s just that when I think about Bigfoot and mystical creatures, for some odd reason Estonia pops up in my head. The one thing that doesn’t scare me about Estonia is the brutal death/grind that comes from it. Neoandertals, a three piece from Otepää, is the perfect example of the scary orgasmic waves that Estonia gives off in the music world.
“Ebu Gogo Gutting The Child” is the sophomore release from Neoandertals and it wasn’t something that I was expecting much from honestly, considering that their debut, “Neanderthals Were Master Butchers”, was a very large miss with me back in 2007. Neoandertals consists of Rain Pohlak doing vocals and playing bass while Sandra Vungi pulverizes some drums. Yeah, a two piece with so much brutality that Afghanistan can’t even keep up with this horde of buffalo. Now, while “Ebu Gogo Gutting The Child” really isn’t for the weak minded souls that love to “experiment” in new genres of music, heed my warning when I tell you that you may hate this record from the second it starts spinning. With the bass/drum combination, Neoandertals really does bring in elements of classic death metal and grind but with only the bare essentials. They give you no extras, no real “show off” moments, it’s just pure brutal death/grind that might leave you paralyzed from the neck down. Speaking of bare essentials, if “Ebu Gogo Gutting The Child” has a theme song, it might be this one.
As a death metal fan, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m ungrateful and selfish when it comes to appreciating bands that don’t have four or five members. When I listen to death or grind, I want a mudslide of slaughter attacking my eardrums with unforgivable force. I want to be drowned by a sea of vibrations that could make a small baby explode if someone put him/her close enough to the speakers. “Ebu Gogo Gutting The Child” provides all of that for me with nine tracks that last nearly last thirty-three minutes in length. Also, this record makes me feed the same exact way that Thamud’s “Al Hajaj Ibn Yousif Al Thaqafey” made me feel when I first heard it a couple weeks back. “Ebu Gogo Gutting The Child” provides sheer terror, madness and organized chaos that makes sense at times and at other times, it doesn’t make any sense at all but sounds perfect.
I’m not going to leave this review praising anyone or telling you to worship Neoandertals but I will leave you with some lyrics from the track “Funeral Ejaculation”, the fourth track on the record.
Spitting back chewed cum. Sometimes losing a life can be fun. Struggling for breath. No way out of her gloom. Vaginal fluids stuffed back into the mouth. Mouthful of death. Keen on torture. Greeted by her humid tomb. Forced to enjoy foreign semen. Seeing love she was never dreaming.