Love Sex Machine – Self-Titled

Y’know, I almost didn’t bother to listen to this album based on the song titles and the band name itself. Sure, that’s probably pretty shallow, and don’t get me wrong – I’m not a prude that’s offended by everything, and I’m not some church attending dude that sits around with family at the dinner table with a stupid smile on my face. Nope, it’s just that it’s near impossible to not judge a book by its cover… or more appropriately, an album by its cover. I mean, the song titles are (most probably deliberately) inane things which don’t mean anything, the band has a name that rivals the pseudonym of an Eastern-European porn star, and the album cover has a meerkat standing on a rock with a mushroom cloud and cemetery backdrop. So really, could you blame me for my skeptical approach to the band?

Anyway, I managed to prepare myself for disappointment in the early evening, thinking that I just came across another juvenile album made as an inside joke by the band members. I reluctantly clicked on a YouTube link, and I questioned my existence; I thought “Man, I’ve definitely hit new lows in my life. I’m about to listen to a song titled ‘Anal on Deceased Virgin’… Why? Why am I here?”. Just as a full blown existential crisis was about to blow up in my face, I ended up quite shocked.

After the obligatory volume swell introduction, my head was bashed in by some excessively brutal riffage. My shame and dismay turned into excitement, and the album that I thought was going to make me lose faith in humanity (a little more) ended up making me damn proud of some random French dudes whose names elude me, and even their own Facebook page. Love Sex Machine’s debut is packed with more heaviness than a few hundred fast food restaurants; thrice as less calories, too! The guitars are tuned down low, following the usual sludge tradition, and the overall sound is quite comparable to Admiral Angry or Black Sheep Wall, though Love Sex Machine are a little slower. I’ve no idea what the lyrics could be, and for what I know, the vocalist could be spouting random nonsense in the background, but it really doesn’t bother me at all. You have to listen to the album to get what I mean. You just have pure furiosity smashing you in the face, and the intensity is so very energising. Though the album follows the same pace throughout, I found two tracks that I liked a little more than others, ‘Fucking Battle’ and ‘Killed With a Monster Cock’. Yeah, I never thought I’d ever have a favourite song about being killed with a monster cock, but I guess now I do, and I’m comfortable with it.

Perhaps I could be wrong about the entire premise of this album. Maybe it actually is deep, and the juvenile facets of the band are a message about the current state of society, and how shallow it is. Regardless of the message, it’s clear to me that these guys just wanted to make brutal music and force feed it to all who approach the album, and I’ll be honest here: I want seconds.

This year is one that many new age-y types and conspiracy theorists alike (well, the two are basically synonymous nowadays) predict could be the end of our existence. I just hope a ton of metal bands get in on the whole thing this year and create soul crushing, devastatingly dark music that personifies the end of existence. So far, Love Sex Machine have made an album that represents that feeling, and I’m enjoying it a lot. Seriously, this is music that makes you feel like taking PCP and headbutting oncoming traffic because you think you’re God.

If you’re looking for a deep experience, I’d say you’re better off looking elsewhere. If you want a short burst of insanity, then I have the right prescription for you, buddy. A download of this album can be found here at the Love Sex Machine Bandcamp page. Bon appétit!